Now in her 30s, Idah* still remembers the pain from 20 years ago when one of her uncles defiled her. The memory has stayed with her, and she’s been afraid to tell anyone, fearing that she might be left alone with nowhere to go.
“When my mother died, I went to live with my grandparents because my father remarried and my stepmother didn’t want me. For years, my father was never around — he never visited or cared about me,” Idah says, her voice filled with sadness.
At her grandmother’s house, Idah was often by herself. Her grandmother worked at the local market where she sold bananas, so Idah would be left alone at home. One day, when her grandmother was away at a funeral, she was left with her uncle at home.
“He told me to clean his house, and when I went to do it, he followed me, locked the door, and defiled me. He told me that if I told anyone, he would kill me and my grandmother. I was so scared. I didn’t know what to do, so I stayed silent. I felt hopeless and trapped,” she recalls, her voice shaking with fear.
That moment changed Idah’s life forever. She began to feel angry at her mother for dying, at her grandmother for not being there when she needed her, and at her father for abandoning her. These feelings still hurt her to date.
“I felt so alone, so helpless. Even though the abuse stopped, I couldn’t forget what happened. I worked hard to study and graduated, but the anger and hurt stayed with me. I’ve always been resentful towards men, and it’s made it hard for me to trust people. I try to move on, but the pain and anger never really go away.”
Idah still carries feelings of guilt, anger, and resentment. Even though her uncle is no longer alive, the hurt she feels is as real as ever. The anger from all those years ago is still fresh in her heart, and it’s hard for her to find peace.
Gender-based violence
Her story is a painful reminder of how gender-based violence can affect someone for a lifetime. It shows how deeply it can hurt a person, even long after the event. It’s important to support survivors like Idah and give them the help they need to heal from their trauma.
Gender-based violence has been on the rise globally, and in Kenya, it continues to increase, along with the disturbing trend of femicide. The Ministry of Health reports that more than 9,484 cases of defilement were recorded in 2023 alone.
Mary Akinyi, a counselling psychologist specialising in trauma counselling and disaster management at Furaha Infinity, highlights the importance of addressing trauma, as it significantly impacts an individual’s growth and well-being.
Trauma is not something that time can simply heal on its own. Instead, it requires a structured process of healing that involves grieving and working through different stages until true recovery is achieved.
“Time does not heal; it merely serves as a container or a tool in the healing process, many people try to hide their wounds, hoping they will heal on their own, but every trauma needs to be addressed. If unresolved, trauma often resurfaces later in life, especially in adulthood.”
She emphasises that many individuals suppress trauma because they fear facing the pain, but in doing so, they end up losing themselves in the process. Suppressing trauma, Mary says, leads to negative emotional states that can be harmful to one’s mental health.
“Unresolved trauma causes individuals to lose their sense of self. They may experience self-blame, a belief that things should have turned out differently, feelings of inadequacy, brokenness, and a constant sense of insecurity and lack of safety,” she says.
According to Mary, the most traumatic experiences often involve violence and betrayal, which can weigh heavily on a person’s psyche. These experiences can leave deep scars, making it essential to create a space for healing.
Professional therapy
She strongly advocates for professional therapy as an effective means for victims to break negative patterns, refocus, and gradually expose themselves to positive and empowering experiences.
“Talking about trauma is an important part of healing. When it comes to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), it can be very intense and lead to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Therapy helps individuals work through these emotions and begin to rebuild their lives,” Mary says.
In addition to professional therapy, she stresses the importance of building a support network.
A support group is crucial for those who have gone through trauma, as it allows them to share their experiences and heal together. Avoiding unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse, is vital in the healing journey.
“Instead of burying the pain, it’s essential to address it. Being surrounded by supportive people who understand and can offer comfort and encouragement is key. This creates a safer space for healing and prevents people from falling into harmful habits like substance abuse,” she adds.
Recovery involves recognising the long-term impact of unresolved trauma, seeking professional therapy, and building a strong support system. She stresses that true healing is a process that cannot be rushed, and individuals must allow themselves the time and space to grieve and recover fully. By doing so, they can find a path to healing and reclaim their sense of self.
Traumatic stress affects brain function, particularly areas involved in the stress response, such as the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex, and alters memory processes.
Neurochemicals like cortisol and norepinephrine play a critical role in this response. Stress can damage these brain regions, but antidepressants may counteract these effects by promoting neurogenesis in the hippocampus. In PTSD patients, changes in these brain areas and neurochemical systems are also observed.
Effective PTSD treatments show promise in promoting neurogenesis, improving memory, and increasing hippocampal volume.
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